On love and healing

Last night I asked Rudy my standard, “What do you think of love?” He said love isn’t easy, but that everyone should experience love. We were sitting in the living room, in an intimate discussion of love, relationships, and my Bajan crushes. I actually had just come home around 930pm from a very full and exciting yet exhausting day of shopping in town and bussing around with Ro.

When Rudy asked me what my ex was like, he said I only have to go there if I felt comfortable. The other night was my first time in Barbados that I released the vowels and consonants that make up my ex’s name. I noticed my spirit and body tense up a bit and I lost words when speaking of him to Rudy. But on this past night my thoughts were clearer as I had time to go there so to speak. Lately I’ve been coming to a firm belief that I no longer need him to be physically in my life to heal. Last night, I told Rudy that there was a time earlier in the breakup period when I didn’t know any better than to believe that he could be in my life as I healed. My time and personal hurt proved different. I’m glad Rudy asked me that question. This is not to say that I will never have a lover or ex lover who heals after we part, but it is to say that my most recent will not be that special one who heals me in a physical sense.

Thank you, Rudy, for babbling with me ‘bout love.

Camera, what camera?

Camera, what camera?, originally uploaded by andresist.

I just woke up from one of my “one hella” naps. Lorez is feeding the dogs. The sky is turning a purplish, bluish, pinkish hue. I’m going to go and take snapshots of sparkles, termite, sasha, the rest of the gang of jack russells and what nots.

Hilton Beach (it's original name, of course!)

Hilton Beach (it's original name, of course!), originally uploaded by andresist.

Sexy Boy on Accra Beach

Accra Beach, originally uploaded by andresist.

Breathe Listen & Chill

On my vacation and time in Barbados, I want to breathe, listen to my spirit, body, and mind, and simply chill.

When I went to Carol's Daughter on Saturday, the store clerk that was helping me was from Barbados. She told me about all the beaches I should go and visit. She also said that the ocean water was really good for her hair and that she loves it when she's back home in Barbados. That was really a "destined" and affirming moment to meet her and hear her tell me all of this, because ever since i started my swimming lessons a month ago i've been fretting about my hair. And with my upcoming trip to PARADISE! I've been uncertian/back and forth about getting it wet/keeping it dry/wearing a cap. But now I'm certain that i will free my hair/locks in the Carribean Sea! I'm even quite certain that i'm even going to try my hands on locking my hair! After all of this trip is about listening to my body, then i have to let it speak, right?

There is ithat memory in my mind (not quite in the back either) of my ex and I's plan to travel to Mexico this spring. That trip would have been for us.

This trip however is all about me.

It is ok to be disappointed and pleased at the same time. It is not one or the other. The poz in it all is that I will have all the time to concentrate on me, heal myself, rest myself, meet/listen/share moments in time with those who inspire small, but important episodes of life!!!